3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
