woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
