i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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