Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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