Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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