I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize