fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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