Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Houston, we have a blender
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
