Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
