porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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