i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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