just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
