I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
