Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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