so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize