Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
