My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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