thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Your cock deserves a montage
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
