If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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