she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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