you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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