ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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