I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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