Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
