What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
