Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
