i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
