the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
