just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
