you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize