Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
