you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
