how hairy? two words: wookie tits
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
