Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize