Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize