Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
