So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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