If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
