You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
