I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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