I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
