So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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