I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
