alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
