Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
