somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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