Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
