She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
