This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
