Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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