It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
