I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
false alarm. still invincible.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
