I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize