Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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