I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
