who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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