I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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