you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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