One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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