I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You are the jesus of drinking
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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