Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
