I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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