Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
