just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
