I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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