Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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