I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
