Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
