What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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