if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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