at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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