if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
