I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
